FEC Kicks Off Series of Formal Endorsements with Inagural Honor of Chartwell's Dining Services

If, dear reader, you have the distinctly unique pleasure of attending Bard College at Simon’s Rock, you will have, by now, received, read, rejoiced about, and possibly been moved to tears of excitement by, the email regarding Fuck the Environment Club’s first formal endorsement. We here at FEC intend that this endorsement be the first of many, meant to honor and call attention to social movements, policies, and noteworthy individual actions that we believe wholeheartedly and earnestly work towards and reflect the mission that we endeavor to undertake. This post, here, serves as both a repetition and a spreading of the announcement. We would have called a press conference, but frankly, it’s been a busy week. In the future, we do hope to muster the resources to organize such events, and clearly, such would serve the dual function of spreading the word and directly furthering the mission. But, for now, we’ve got better things to do. The globe isn’t gonna warm itself, and, if it need even be said, nature certainly cannot control itself as it must be controlled.

But, onto the meat of the post -- the official, press-release-style, announcement:

Today, the Fuck the Environment Club wishes to formally announce its support of the policy held by the Simon's Rock branch of Chartwell’s College and University Dining Services; the policy, as presented on signs around the dining hall, reads, "Please take a new plate when returning for seconds!" We feel that this policy is a perfect example of the many small things that we, and all people, can do to help make the world a better place for humanity, and the mindset it reflects places Chartwell's wholly in line with FEC's mission. Thus, they have earned our earnest support and admiration.

When you take a moment to think about it, how hard is it, really, to get a new plate? And in relation to how enormously important and worthwhile the goal it serves really is, how can one not act? We ask you, with the respect and dignity deserved of every person, to please, get a new plate for seconds. And thirds, and fourths. It helps, whether you believe it or not. It truly does. And for God's sake, you've earned the right to not have to eat a hamburger on a bun made soggy and moist by the ketchup of your first plate of fries.

There really is so much you can do, but we always make a point to shine light on one of the most immensely easy, immensely useful, and immensely important things that you, a human being who cares, can do. Leave your lights on. It's so easy -- you don't even have to turn a switch. I like to think of it as being similar to the reasonable and benevolent bequest of the ancient God-king Xerxes of Persia, who speaks thus: "Unlike the cruel Leonidas who asks you to stand, I demand only that you kneel." Why stand? Especially when kneeling is so eminently practical.

That there are more indirect benefits goes without saying. Primarily, and most importantly for me, it saves money by adding security. You wouldn't want those... less savory types to know precisely when you're gone, so they can rob you of the goods and gadgets that you've earned. And by making sure that you're not buying those ugly, harsh, toxic CFLs, you can make your home a warmer, more welcoming place for the right people. Besides, after a long day at the office and a slow, boring, iPod-less commute in that terrifyingly old, uncomfortable, featureless H1 that doesn't even smell like new car smell anymore, do you really want to stumble around in the dark, wasting precious time and harming precious shins, and delaying that luscious, welcoming, beautiful bottle of Cabernet that you should have opened last weekend when that new 'family' moved in across the street and invited themselves to your bi-monthly dinner party? Times are tough, you've needed to cut back, and now you only get two a month, and one was ruined. That's terrible. Unforgivable. We get it. But the point is this:

There is nothing more important in life than comfort. And it's the little things that make your life comfortable. Don't sacrifice them to some misguided, anti-human movement.

Meanwhile, FEC will continue its efforts, making the world a better place by putting the world in its place.

--Jeff

Public Relations and Office of Awards

Hello! And welcome to a brand new department sheltered deep within the confines of FEC headquarters! We are currently trying to unpack all the very deep boxes of archives into the most unsortable mess possible, so wait patiently for us to lose our tax files for the sixth consecutive time (woo!).

Our new underground office has three species of moss and two different subspecies of rat. Just wait until we get Oil Spill, our resident Calico Cat down here to clean up this little mess, what a day that will be! At the moment it is just me and our new greek intern, Xanthos, down here at the new Public Relations and Office of Awards department, and we are getting along very well. Most likely because he does not speak english.

Regardless! We are very enthusiastic to announce our first annual Award Distribution Panel. I was asked by our Hegemone to create a list of companies which are world leaders in Fucking the Environment, companies like Monsanto and Exxon, and after it has been compiled I will distribute it to you, dear readers, to vote! The winner of this year's award will have the privilege of sending a spokesperson down to our second annual rally to receive the award in person and to speak a few words of encouragement to our FEC cadets!

So stay posted for this wonderful update, and remember, Fuck the Environment before It Fucks You.
-Marcos

Neo-Lapsarianism

Our earth is a closed system. Before Humanity, nature found its own way to survive and reproduce on this massive rock, cannon balling through the empty void. We, the Masters of Earth and the Inheritors of Reason sadly must admit to Our participation in this closed system before Our reign began on earth. Our lives today are characterized by concrete monoliths lining asphalt arteries which in turn are lined with steel rails to keep Us separated from the disease growing on the other side of every fence. This was not always so, there was a time when there were no concrete monoliths, or steel rails to help separate Us from nature’s deadly grasp. The only record or remembrance We have of these times come from the myths and legends of nameless Human Cultures and Tribes which have been claimed and washed over by the sands of obscurity. Also the Greeks.

Hesiod, the Greek poet, records that before this age of man, there existed four prior ones, the gold, silver, bronze, and iron age. He says of the golden age,

“…they lived like gods without sorrow of heart, remote and free from toil and grief: miserable age rested not on them; but with legs and arms never failing they made merry with feasting beyond the reach of all devils. When they died, it was as though they were overcome with sleep, and they had all good things; for the fruitful earth unforced bare them fruit abundantly and without stint. They dwelt in ease and peace upon their lands with many good things, rich in flocks and loved by the blessed gods.”

Reflecting Eden in the Abrahamic traditions, this world was one where toils, sorrow, and hardships did not exist or plague Humanity. The earth and Humanity were locked in a hegemonic symbiosis; all of Humanity’s needs would be tended to, but they had to remain subservient to the fates imposed on them by the gods and the whims and seasons of nature. They would be tended to as long as they would not take charge.

This symbiosis was broken in twain by a divine being, a split between Humanity and nature which has ever since been widening, both sides refusing to give an inch without spilling blood. Our savior and deliverer of Reason is the Titan Prometheus. Seeing Humanity in Their oppressed state, and recognizing Their potential, he steals the forbidden fire from heaven and delivers it to Humanity. At this moment, Humanity has Its first taste of the coming glory over the world which created Them. Zeus, recognizing that Nature had no way to defend itself from the Humans which had begun their quest for natural domination, decided to arm the world with evils and sorrows that nature could impose on Humanity. He created the first Woman, Pandora, and sent her down to the world to deliver and open the famous box, and punished Our savior by chaining him to a rock and having two eagles rip his liver from his flesh every day.

This story is an allegory of and a testimony to Humanity’s first shining moment of glory and domination. We stood on the plains holding Our sticks, consumed in flames, lifting them to the heavens and wildly ululating our triumph over the gods and former rulers of nature and fate. Prometheus, ancestor to the gods and traitor to his fellow titans, is the titan of Forethought. In the myth he is a non-human agent which delivered us our capacity for dominion, but it must be emphasized that Prometheus is our reason, our own ideas, our own creative capacities, which rose from obscurity when We first wielded that burning stick and realized nature could be controlled. We are right to thank Prometheus for his beautiful gift, but remember to tap yourself on the back! Because you too share a part in the beautiful Human tradition of our Fall from nature. The story remains as a testimony to the end of Humanity’s nomadic and symbiotic existence, the foundation of reason and the realization that We have the capacity to mold our own existence, and that We have the strength to put nature in its place.

Neo-Lapsarianism is the movement which holds the myths and legends of the Rise/Fall of Man to be imperfect allegories which relate the real moment in pre-history where We stopped being creatures of this world, and began our quest to hold nature in our grasp and ultimately claim that We, as a Race, have finally become all that We can be, and tear the old gods from their lost and forgotten thrones.

Long Live Humanity.
Marcos

Environmental Justice

What is Environmental Justice?

You may have heard the term and wondered what people were talking about. This is a term which luckily was not claimed by the similarly named organization Earthjustice, who propose that a whole-hearted devotion to nature is the solution to our problems. Earthjustice, while combining rhetoric of justice (they claim to be earth's lawyers) with rhetoric of nature, are not in the field of "Environmental Justice."

Frankly, "Environmental Justice" could be worse; it could be in the same vein as Earthjustice. It is a beautiful set of words, Environmental Justice, and it did not become associated with the worst possible movement.

Environmental Justice is a scholarly movement that proposes an anthropocentric approach to environmental issues which simultaneously is aware of class and dispels the myth of nature. Final verdict: a valid outlook on things. The complex ecologies that make up this world cannot be ignored, but neither can the problems of humans that inter-relate with the environmental around them. Ultimately, Environmental Justice marries these two studies by giving up blind, uncritical loyalty to some mythic, nonexistent nature. Whatever.

However, I want the phrase "Environmental Justice" for The Society for the Civilization of Natural Landscapes. Environmental Justice should not be justice in the context of the environment... it should be justice for the environment. Earthquakes? Hurricanes? Bears? Fuck that shit. Nature doesn't need a good lawyer, it needs a ruthless prosecutor.

But how can Environmental Justice be achieved? Where do we start? I propose that this become a legal field; we punish, quarantine and rehabilitate nature in the same way that we do criminals. We hit it back, we rescind its mercifully limited rights, we box it away where it is not harmful and we do all within our power to remake it in a more productive, and better socialized image.

Through the even, methodical hand of the law, and the extension of true culpability onto the second most powerful force on earth, can we finally bring order to this insane world.

Ultimately, the only way we can do this is through the "pedagogy of hate," but more on that next week.

Until then, I would like you all to contemplate how one would go about punishing nature.

That's all for tonight, folks.
And remember to walk tall and proud in your lives of waste and leisure.
Emanuel

Upcoming Posts

Within the next week you should all expect videos and pictures from past events to be posted here, and posts to not only arrive from myself but also from many other allies against the environment.

I, personally, am working on a piece about "Environmental Justice," aka justice for the environment. Yall should start holding your breath about now.

Also, don't forget to vote in our polls or to join us on facebook! Check us out over there at: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=184412570440

Ever vigilant,
Emanuel

Welcome to "Fuck the Enviroblog"

For those of you diehard believers, all I can say is "welcome." This blog is now a rallying point for all that is civilized.

For those of you who are new to all this, then here is a simple explanation: the environment is dirty, disorganized and dangerous. Trees are lazy, animals are erratic and insects are gross. Frankly, nature is just a classist, racist and gendered concept which is used for violent oppression and ultimately defends creatures and ecosystems which need to be improved upon by the rationality of man.

In the 19th century, Americans (as always, some so-called Americans dissented from this point of view) had the right ideas about nature. Inness, the famous landscape painter, gallantly quipped that he preferred "civilized landscapes," a reference to those natural environments that had been subdued by the stakes of a railroad and groomed by the care of the axe. The scholar Nikolai Cikovsky praised Americans of this era by saying that “Americans looked upon trees as their enemies, took positive pleasure in destroying them, and were not content until they had denuded the land." We think that since this time Americans have become efette, pathetic and have lost both the will and the good sense that drove us to take what was ours and put nature in its right place.

We here at the Society for the Civilization of Natural Landscapes, to this end, are fighting for the three Ds of environmental degradation: Destruction (because Nature is dangerous, disorganized and frankly has it coming), Desecration (because Nature is our bitch and we need to reaffirm that), and Domination (because Nature can only get its act together through the firm hand of man's intervention).

I would like to end this brief introduction with a quote from our mascot, Saruman of Many Colors. This man is a master of Desecration, Destruction and Domination, and showcases for us the appropriate relationship with nature in his short speech "The old world will burn in the fires of industry." Ultimately, I can do nothing more than defer to his expertise on any issue of environmentalism. When in doubt, I recall the moment in which he gestured towards his forests and said "Cut them all down." May his words be both an inspiration and a guide to us in the coming months.

Stay strong,
Emanuel