Welcome to "Fuck the Enviroblog"

For those of you diehard believers, all I can say is "welcome." This blog is now a rallying point for all that is civilized.

For those of you who are new to all this, then here is a simple explanation: the environment is dirty, disorganized and dangerous. Trees are lazy, animals are erratic and insects are gross. Frankly, nature is just a classist, racist and gendered concept which is used for violent oppression and ultimately defends creatures and ecosystems which need to be improved upon by the rationality of man.

In the 19th century, Americans (as always, some so-called Americans dissented from this point of view) had the right ideas about nature. Inness, the famous landscape painter, gallantly quipped that he preferred "civilized landscapes," a reference to those natural environments that had been subdued by the stakes of a railroad and groomed by the care of the axe. The scholar Nikolai Cikovsky praised Americans of this era by saying that “Americans looked upon trees as their enemies, took positive pleasure in destroying them, and were not content until they had denuded the land." We think that since this time Americans have become efette, pathetic and have lost both the will and the good sense that drove us to take what was ours and put nature in its right place.

We here at the Society for the Civilization of Natural Landscapes, to this end, are fighting for the three Ds of environmental degradation: Destruction (because Nature is dangerous, disorganized and frankly has it coming), Desecration (because Nature is our bitch and we need to reaffirm that), and Domination (because Nature can only get its act together through the firm hand of man's intervention).

I would like to end this brief introduction with a quote from our mascot, Saruman of Many Colors. This man is a master of Desecration, Destruction and Domination, and showcases for us the appropriate relationship with nature in his short speech "The old world will burn in the fires of industry." Ultimately, I can do nothing more than defer to his expertise on any issue of environmentalism. When in doubt, I recall the moment in which he gestured towards his forests and said "Cut them all down." May his words be both an inspiration and a guide to us in the coming months.

Stay strong,
Emanuel